Ten Things . . .

Of the famous Blogging Exes (is that like the Flying Wallendas?), Ann, the instigator, didn't get me wanting to do this, but Richard did: Ten Things I've Never Done:

1.) Had a real wedding. (We were too cool and surly. We got married after 21 years together, ostensibly because I had the hots for his health insurance. He had the hots for the minister, a tall, broad-shouldered almost-Olympic swimmer valkyrie named, incredibly, Leslie Noyes Faithfull. She later divorced Faithfull. We balked at traditional vows, so she finally just gave up and said, "You're married." We did it in our apartment, and had three witnesses. I didn't even tell my parents. The only ceremonial touch was that I wore a long, white, Egyptian-looking garment -- actually a nightgown -- embroidered by his late mother for her own trousseau, a secret promise I had long ago made to myself and her -- "if we ever get married . . . .")

2) Worn a wedding ring.

3) Taken any pharmaceutical drug other than aspirin and antibiotics (with the exception that if I had a headache and there was no aspirin available, I reluctantly took a Tylenol or Motrin or whatever a few times). No antidepressants (though if I were my adolescent self today I would not escape being medicated). No anti-anxiety drugs, tranquilizers, sleeping pills, cholesterol-lowerers, painkillers. No beta blockers for the harmless palpitations I had after 9/11 and other stresses, which went away by themselves. I'm seeing how old I can get and still keep up this streak.

4) Had a baby.

5) Had a yeast infection. (Ugh, gross, but women, you'll know how unusual this makes me.)

6) Owned a house. Or even an apartment.

7) Bought a new car. (I won a new car on "Wheel of Fortune," a 1989 Chevy Corsica. When a run-in with a teen-age driver totaled it 9 years later, I was hooked on having a car, but bought or, in one case, was given a succession of used cars.)

8.) Been completely, mutually in love.

9.) Played a DVD. (Our friend Nick, the Tucson detective, just gave us our first DVD player. The cable guy hooked it up, but we haven't used it yet.)

10.) Watched a whole episode of "Seinfeld."

Where have I been, you may ask?

On a very strange planet.

- amba

Comments

[Tamar]

Am really close to you on #3, and although I have been married 4 times I feel as if I have never had a *real* wedding either.

But then I wonder if what you, I or anyone mean by real is the same thing.

And, as usual, you are a fascinating to read and get to know!

[Danny]

Wow, incredible! It's amazing how much you can learn about someone from a simple list of 10 things! Some of these, especially #2 and provocative #8, beg for more explanation. (I guess I should add "sans etre indiscret" to that comment--the term French people say when they're trying to pretend they're not being really nosey; often followed by "occupe-toi de tes oignons" which I deserve...)

I'm impressed by #3 (I am a raving drug addict in comparison) and #5 (in my house I don't ever remember a time when there wasn't my mother's or sister's yeast infection medication in the fridge--oy, talk about being "indiscret").

P.S. Is there a tape of the "Wheel of Fortune" performance? That sounds like a bit of must-see TV!

[Richard Lawrence Cohen]

Now that's what I call substantive! Not like, "Never drank Sutter Home white zinfandel."

[amba]

Danny - yes, there is an old VHS tape of my "Wheel" performance - as well as of my (not terribly illustrious) "Jeopardy" performance. (No Ken Jennings I.) "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," here I come!

Are you saying that the French say, "Mind your own onions"?!? Cool!

Not that I'm saying it. I don't really know how to expand on either #2 or #8. When you live with someone for 21 years and then get married, it isn't much of a change. (It is a SUBTLE and significant change, and a good one.) I never got in the habit of wearing a ring, and outgrew any sentimentality I might have had about the idea before I had the opportunity.

Jacques still shudders at the words "husband" and "wife." I guess they sound too domesticated to him. He has been heard to call me his "girlfriend."

As for #8 . . . what can I say.

[franchini]

Hi. Here via Tamar's site. I told my parents about my wedding a few days before it, thinking they wouldn't come. They did but my mum still feels thwarted that there was no white dress, gaggle of bridesmaids and a marquee on the lawn. I have never seen any of an episode of Seinfeld. There is no good word for the person you live with. Partner sounds pompous, girlfriend sounds trivial, companion sounds passionless, other or better half sounds too jokey. There's no bearable expression.