AmbivaBlog: You Couldn't Make This Up.

This is the classic children's book, Goodenough Gismo, by Richmond I. Kelsey, published in 1948. Nearly unavailable in libraries and the collector's market, it is posted here with love as an "orphan work" so that it may be seen and appreciated -- and perhaps even republished, as it deserves to be. After you read this book, it won't surprise you to learn that Richmond Irwin Kelsey (1905-1987) was an accomplished artist, or that as Dick Kelsey, he was one of the great Disney art directors, breaking your heart with "Pinocchio," "Dumbo," and "Bambi."

I just can't stay off this bandwagon. It's too funny and sad and so American. Instant myth. Blondes have more fuss, that's for sure.

In the 10 days since [Anna Nicole] Smith died of unexplained causes, the theater of it all has, at least occasionally, eclipsed the 2008 presidential race and the war in Iraq. CNN even did a story about why Americans feel compelled to lie to pollsters that they don't care about Smith's death when, by every measurable standard, they are riveted. [...]

[H]ighlights from the spectacle last week:

• Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband leaving the side of his wheelchair-using wife to declare that he may be the father of Smith's 5-month-old daughter — one of three prospective papas who have come forward in the last few days to join ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead and her legal advisor and most-recent boyfriend, Howard K. Stern, in claiming paternity.

• An aged government minister in the Bahamas coming under fire after a newspaper published photos of him in bed with Smith, prompting opposition leaders to accuse him of granting the former stripper's legal residency for inappropriate reasons.

Friday brought a new legal shocker: the dramatic unveiling of Smith's 2001 will, which named her recently deceased son as her only heir and omitted any future children. The will also named Stern as executor. The death of her 20-year-old son three days after the birth of her baby, however, has thrown the state of her will into confusion. [...]

Next up: the paternity fight.

Hey, doesn't DNA testing make short work of these things? This is like some sort of strange Darwinian lottery. These men are all implicitly bragging that they slept with Smith -- nobody seems to care about an exclusive. It's more like an inclusive. And each one is betting that his seed beat out the others. It's bizarre -- some sort of vestigial goddess worship.

Baby Dannielynn could inherit tens of millions, meaning her father would probably become rich as well.

There's Birkhead, who filed the original paternity suit in Los Angeles; Gabor's husband, Prince Frederick von Anhalt, who filed his own papers last week; and Stern, who is named as father on the birth certificate.

And then there are the other contenders, including Smith's former bodyguard, Alexander Denk, who said on a TV talk show that he could be the father; and a man who e-mailed websites saying that he had also given her sperm.

Given her sperm?

Since Smith died in Florida, it seems fitting that this guy should be one of her mythographers, enjoying the last word in this L.A. Times article:

Novelist and Miami Herald columnist Carl Hiassen said a conflict of interest prevented him from commenting on the case: "I'd like to help, but it turns out that — thanks to a mix-up at the sperm bank — I might be the father of Anna Nicole's baby. I am putting on my astronaut diaper and driving straight to Fort Lauderdale to get DNA-tested."

Comments

While she was living, Anna Nicole's life was a circus - that continues to be the case after her death. Truly sad.

Posted by: Matt Brown | February 19, 2007 at 08:06 AM

While in Florida on vacation I drove slowly past Anna's house, and there she was, in the yard, watering seeds just planted ... we locked eyes and ..... can't go there as it could be conflict of interest .... stay tuned, I have booked a flight.

As an aside, has Frist viewed any video of the body from the Hill? Has he confirmed that she is in fact dead? or wants to be?

Posted by: GN | February 19, 2007 at 08:37 AM

Thanks for posting on this, Amba, so I don't have to! lol

Personally, I don't think the Prince (Zsa Zsa's husband) ever got his thing within 10 miles of Anna's thing. He's just a publicity hound, plain and simple. Does anybody believe that the man is actually attracted to women, anyway?

As you say, with DNA we'll know soon enough. There's a lot of jurisdictional issues to sort out first, though, to decide which court gets to pronounce on the issue. I think the only 3 real possibilities are Birkhead, Stern, and the late Mr. Marshall... which would drive his poor family into even greater conniptions.

Posted by: PatHMV | February 19, 2007 at 12:04 PM